Love for the Widow
On Friday, the family and I had the honor of being invited to attend a retired Soldier's funeral at a National Cemetery in Denver where as he was being laid to rest. The Thursday night before that I sat in a quite chapel room of a funeral home while the casket rested open for family and friends to pay their last respects. We did not know this soldier or his family until a couple of weeks ago. We may have missed this opportunity all together if it had not been for The Army pulling Caleb to be a Casualty Assistance Officer (CAO) for this family. A CAO is a Soldier, who is trained to walk along side a family member after receiving the news of the loss of their Soldier. To be honest we have dreaded the day Caleb would get the call for such a task, mostly for the feeling of being inadequate. We are significantly less than what any family could need in a time like that. We are not the answer to their deepest moan and we can not be enough in a moment like that, or in the weeks, months or years to follow. We cannot give them back what has been taken and we can not heal the ache in their hearts. And so when Caleb received the call we prayed from our gut that God would lead us and help us fulfill the task ahead. And we walked in the knowledge that God would have to be more that we ever could.
Thursday night, as the deep quite of the room gave way to sobs and sniffles. The cries from the family members left behind, I sat feeling so honored to have been chosen to be there. There were few visitors as the Soldier's lifetime home is far from here so only a few could gather to pay their respects, I was blessed to be one of the few. I sat there wondering why God chose Caleb and I to take part in something so intimate and sacred. It was special and I am undeserving of even the memory it carries. I sat across the room from the immediate family, not on purpose but because that is where I first sat and Caleb as his job was to tend to the needs of the widow stood strong and tall over her shoulder most of the night. He was an ever presence in her life in her darkest moments. I witnessed as his simple purpose to "be there for her" brought so much comfort and peace. She was aware of his presence and she was thankful for it. Her words did not express her thanks, but her body posture when Caleb was around showed how grateful she was just for him being present. She could relax, she could soften, she could let down her guarded heart and she could grieve as a spouse instead of having to be the strong and steady mother of children who were also mourning. Caleb's job was to care but to be honest there is no training that can prepare a heart to care like Caleb did. Caleb didn't need to be told how to be strong for her, it is who God has created him to be. Caleb's job was to just be Caleb. Caleb was a smile when she spoke kindly of her husband, he was concern when she was restless with decisions, he was her voice when grief took control but mostly he was present when the vacuum of loss sucked all the air from the room.
The reality is that the CAO assignment Caleb was given is so very rare, but for us we are thankful for the opportunity to serve this family. We could have missed this! We could have missed standing in honor on Friday for this retired Soldier's life. We could have missed TAPS being played and jumping at the 21 shots that broke the stillness of the Denver Cemetery air around noon on Friday. Caleb and I consider it a privilege to have been chosen, not by the Army, but by God, to serve this family in the smallest way possible. I am overwhelmed by getting to witness my husband be strength for someone so broken by the circumstance. I am so grateful to be married to a man who can extend compassion, understanding and kindness to a family other than his own. Caleb often checked on me Thursday night and even helped me get the kids ready on Friday morning so that our family could attend, therefore never abandoning us to fend for ourselves while he also tended to the needs of others, but instead expanded his reach for all of us. Caleb is a great man, and his greatness is found in the God who he cries out to help from. He has prayed daily for this mission that he is navigating, he has relied heavily on God's ability to be all that he by himself cannot be. Caleb has been more because His God in him is so much more. As hard at this task could have been, we are thankful for it. Thankful for the ability to see God work in such big and powerful ways in the quite places of this duty. This past week I have witnessed the value of a simple quite presence, the weight of peace that that comes when a strong heart beating for a cause outside themselves lays down, and the glimmer of hope that the gathering of strangers to honor one's life can bring to those who feel so alone in their loss.
"2 Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters. 3 Take care of any widow who has no one else to care for her. 4 But if she has children or grandchildren, their first responsibility is to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of them. This is something that pleases God. 5 Now a true widow, a woman who is truly alone in this world, has placed her hope in God. She prays night and day, asking God for his help." - 1Ti 5:2-5 NLT
I believe Caleb may have been the answer to this widow's prayers. Her broken heart, hurt and left alone has been heard by God. Caleb has treated this woman as if she was his mother, he has teased the daughters as if they were his sisters, and the son as if the two were brothers by blood an not just bothers in arms. Caleb has listened to the stories of this man's life, he has walked along side the family in grieve and in hope, he has invited us as his own family to join with him to touch the lives of this family, allowing for us to also be touched and moved by them. What a love Caleb is capable of! How thankful I am to be a witness of Christ's work in him. Caleb is by no means perfect, but is willing to be used by a perfect God to extend such love, a love that doesn't come naturally or easy, but a love that comes when it has been personally experienced so that it can be shared so purely to others. We have received such a great love that we have only one response when it is asked of us: to love the way we have been loved, is to do so greatly and without bounds!
Lastly, I think that it is by no means a coincidence that our city lost an officer this week who left behind a wife and two young children, that multiple Soldier's on base also lost their lives and that we were chosen to walk along side this family who lost their husband and father. May our eyes be ever open to those among us who are living in the shadow of loss. May our hearts be ever ready to respond to the grief surrounding us, may we always serve even before we are tasked to do so. May we always ask God to be the healer of their hearts as He uses us to be here present for them. May we grow deeper in our calls to love God and to love others, especially those in the middle of sorrows, we have the hope that they need.
"2 May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace. 3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 5 For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. 6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. 7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us." - 2Co 1:2-7 NLT
Thursday night, as the deep quite of the room gave way to sobs and sniffles. The cries from the family members left behind, I sat feeling so honored to have been chosen to be there. There were few visitors as the Soldier's lifetime home is far from here so only a few could gather to pay their respects, I was blessed to be one of the few. I sat there wondering why God chose Caleb and I to take part in something so intimate and sacred. It was special and I am undeserving of even the memory it carries. I sat across the room from the immediate family, not on purpose but because that is where I first sat and Caleb as his job was to tend to the needs of the widow stood strong and tall over her shoulder most of the night. He was an ever presence in her life in her darkest moments. I witnessed as his simple purpose to "be there for her" brought so much comfort and peace. She was aware of his presence and she was thankful for it. Her words did not express her thanks, but her body posture when Caleb was around showed how grateful she was just for him being present. She could relax, she could soften, she could let down her guarded heart and she could grieve as a spouse instead of having to be the strong and steady mother of children who were also mourning. Caleb's job was to care but to be honest there is no training that can prepare a heart to care like Caleb did. Caleb didn't need to be told how to be strong for her, it is who God has created him to be. Caleb's job was to just be Caleb. Caleb was a smile when she spoke kindly of her husband, he was concern when she was restless with decisions, he was her voice when grief took control but mostly he was present when the vacuum of loss sucked all the air from the room.
The reality is that the CAO assignment Caleb was given is so very rare, but for us we are thankful for the opportunity to serve this family. We could have missed this! We could have missed standing in honor on Friday for this retired Soldier's life. We could have missed TAPS being played and jumping at the 21 shots that broke the stillness of the Denver Cemetery air around noon on Friday. Caleb and I consider it a privilege to have been chosen, not by the Army, but by God, to serve this family in the smallest way possible. I am overwhelmed by getting to witness my husband be strength for someone so broken by the circumstance. I am so grateful to be married to a man who can extend compassion, understanding and kindness to a family other than his own. Caleb often checked on me Thursday night and even helped me get the kids ready on Friday morning so that our family could attend, therefore never abandoning us to fend for ourselves while he also tended to the needs of others, but instead expanded his reach for all of us. Caleb is a great man, and his greatness is found in the God who he cries out to help from. He has prayed daily for this mission that he is navigating, he has relied heavily on God's ability to be all that he by himself cannot be. Caleb has been more because His God in him is so much more. As hard at this task could have been, we are thankful for it. Thankful for the ability to see God work in such big and powerful ways in the quite places of this duty. This past week I have witnessed the value of a simple quite presence, the weight of peace that that comes when a strong heart beating for a cause outside themselves lays down, and the glimmer of hope that the gathering of strangers to honor one's life can bring to those who feel so alone in their loss.
"2 Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters. 3 Take care of any widow who has no one else to care for her. 4 But if she has children or grandchildren, their first responsibility is to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of them. This is something that pleases God. 5 Now a true widow, a woman who is truly alone in this world, has placed her hope in God. She prays night and day, asking God for his help." - 1Ti 5:2-5 NLT
I believe Caleb may have been the answer to this widow's prayers. Her broken heart, hurt and left alone has been heard by God. Caleb has treated this woman as if she was his mother, he has teased the daughters as if they were his sisters, and the son as if the two were brothers by blood an not just bothers in arms. Caleb has listened to the stories of this man's life, he has walked along side the family in grieve and in hope, he has invited us as his own family to join with him to touch the lives of this family, allowing for us to also be touched and moved by them. What a love Caleb is capable of! How thankful I am to be a witness of Christ's work in him. Caleb is by no means perfect, but is willing to be used by a perfect God to extend such love, a love that doesn't come naturally or easy, but a love that comes when it has been personally experienced so that it can be shared so purely to others. We have received such a great love that we have only one response when it is asked of us: to love the way we have been loved, is to do so greatly and without bounds!
Lastly, I think that it is by no means a coincidence that our city lost an officer this week who left behind a wife and two young children, that multiple Soldier's on base also lost their lives and that we were chosen to walk along side this family who lost their husband and father. May our eyes be ever open to those among us who are living in the shadow of loss. May our hearts be ever ready to respond to the grief surrounding us, may we always serve even before we are tasked to do so. May we always ask God to be the healer of their hearts as He uses us to be here present for them. May we grow deeper in our calls to love God and to love others, especially those in the middle of sorrows, we have the hope that they need.
"2 May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace. 3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 5 For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. 6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. 7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us." - 2Co 1:2-7 NLT
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